The Azaleas are in full bloom, the fireflies are winking on at night, Orion has dipped below Mt. Beacon, not to be seen again until the Fall. The last time these things happened, my wife and I were driving up Route 9 at four in the morning in order to give birth to our first child. Now that Cooper’s first birthday is here, there is much to celebrate. But there is also a lot to take stock of and remember. Lately I have been trying to remember what a nervous wreck I was a year ago, wondering how I was going to be as a parent. Since Cooper has yet to be arrested or excommunicated, I think it’s safe to say we’re doing an ok job. But, there’s a lot about how your life changes during the first year of parenting that I wish I knew last June. So, if you or someone you know is about to become a parent, please take note of the following things:

1. Do you have a favorite, irreplaceable article of clothing? Put it in the attic for the next ten years.

2. You can never have enough bananas in the house. How many bananas are in your house? It’s not enough. Go get more bananas.

3. Lie face down on the floor in any room in your house. Look around. Take note of everything that you see at eye level. These things will be destroyed. You must therefore either move these things, or make peace with the impermanence of existence. Move onto the next room, repeat.

4. It will take time to accomplish the simplest things. This is ok. Just today I walked over to the side of the house to see how the early blooming blueberry bush was doing and to check if the berries were ready to harvest yet. It took thirty seconds. I had been meaning to do this for a week and a half.

5. Go through your cookbooks and recipes, making note of which ones can be prepared and cooked in advance. This is what you will be eating for the next year.

6. Tell your pets to hang in there. Understand how terrible it is for them to go from being pampered and showered with affection all the time to essentially being ignored. But once your kid gets just a little bit older, they will have a new best friend for life. This is worth it. One of my favorite things about this whole year is the way every time Cooper is outside our eldest cat Dusty follows him around, protectively.

7. That’s still not enough bananas. Go back to the store and buy all of the bananas they have.

8. Do not take your baby with you to buy beer, because when he grabs a bottle off the shelf, refuses to let it go, and then proceeds to try to pop the cap off with his teeth, you will look like the worst parent in the world. If such an outlandish thing were to actually happen, because, ha ha ha, don’t be silly, who takes their baby to buy beer? Ha ha ha. Let’s move on.

9. Poison ivy leaves and wild strawberry leaves look very much alike. This doesn’t really have anything to do with parenting, but it’s something I’ve learned the hard way recently and this seems like as good a place as any to share it.

10. Put down the energy drink or you will regret it later when your eyelids feel like they are stapled to your skull. Put on a pot of coffee instead, like a good and honest American.

11. Prolonged sleep deprivation leads to a host of rather unpleasant side effects, but one of the most important things it affects is your memory. And the first year is filled with things you never want to forget. So, do not ever feel guilty about taking one thousand photos, shooting one thousand videos, creating a one thousand page scrapbook, or writing a somewhat snarky monthly column about your experiences. You might think you will always remember the first time they hugged the cat, or when they learned to point, or that time they ate all the sushi on the table when no one was paying attention. You will not remember these things. These things will be lost forever unless you do something. Do something. Do anything. You will not get a second chance.

12. That’s all the bananas they had? Go to another store.

Brian PJ and Kristen Cronin live in Beacon with their three cats, and their son Cooper James Cronin. View more of their photos at www.flickr.com/teammoonshine.

Format

The Azaleas are in full bloom, the fireflies are winking on at night, Orion has dipped below Mt. Beacon, not to be seen again until the Fall. The last time these things happened, my wife and I were driving up Route 9 at four in the morning in order to give birth to our first child. Now that Cooper’s first birthday is here, there is much to celebrate. But there is also a lot to take stock of and remember. Lately I have been trying to remember what a nervous wreck I was a year ago, wondering how I was going to be as a parent. Since Cooper has yet to be arrested or excommunicated, I think it’s safe to say we’re doing an ok job. But, there’s a lot about how your life changes during the first year of parenting that I wish I knew last June. So, if you or someone you know is about to become a parent, please take note of the following things:
1. Do you have a favorite, irreplaceable article of clothing? Put it in the attic for the next ten years.
2. You can never have enough bananas in the house. How many bananas are in your house? It’s not enough. Go get more bananas.
3. Lie face down on the floor in any room in your house. Look around. Take note of everything that you see at eye level. These things will be destroyed. You must therefore either move these things, or make peace with the impermanence of existence. Move onto the next room, repeat.
4. It will take time to accomplish the simplest things. This is ok. Just today I walked over to the side of the house to see how the early blooming blueberry bush was doing and to check if the berries were ready to harvest yet. It took thirty seconds. I had been meaning to do this for a week and a half.
5. Go through your cookbooks and recipes, making note of which ones can be prepared and cooked in advance. This is what you will be eating for the next year.
6. Tell your pets to hang in there. Understand how terrible it is for them to go from being pampered and showered with affection all the time to essentially being ignored. But once your kid gets just a little bit older, they will have a new best friend for life. This is worth it. One of my favorite things about this whole year is the way every time Cooper is outside our eldest cat Dusty follows him around, protectively.
7. That’s still not enough bananas. Go back to the store and buy all of the bananas they have.
8. Do not take your baby with you to buy beer, because when he grabs a bottle off the shelf, refuses to let it go, and then proceeds to try to pop the cap off with his teeth, you will look like the worst parent in the world. If such an outlandish thing were to actually happen, because, ha ha ha, don’t be silly, who takes their baby to buy beer? Ha ha ha. Let’s move on.
9. Poison ivy leaves and wild strawberry leaves look very much alike. This doesn’t really have anything to do with parenting, but it’s something I’ve learned the hard way recently and this seems like as good a place as any to share it.
10. Put down the energy drink or you will regret it later when your eyelids feel like they are stapled to your skull. Put on a pot of coffee instead, like a good and honest American.
11. Prolonged sleep deprivation leads to a host of rather unpleasant side effects, but one of the most important things it affects is your memory. And the first year is filled with things you never want to forget. So, do not ever feel guilty about taking one thousand photos, shooting one thousand videos, creating a one thousand page scrapbook, or writing a somewhat snarky monthly column about your experiences. You might think you will always remember the first time they hugged the cat, or when they learned to point, or that time they ate all the sushi on the table when no one was paying attention. You will not remember these things. These things will be lost forever unless you do something. Do something. Do anything. You will not get a second chance.
12. That’s all the bananas they had? Go to another store.
Brian PJ and Kristen Cronin live in Beacon with their three cats, and their son Cooper James Cronin. View more of their photos at www.flickr.com/teammoonshine.
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